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I remember saying that I'd post more often a while ago, but sometimes it's just so hard to think of good topics. You all probably only think I post when I am going through tough times, but in reality it is these tough times that kick start my thoughts and give me time to self reflect.
More recently than I'd like to admit life threw a big damper on my parade, an ant on my picnic, or however you'd like to think of it. I was going throughout my daily routine while the other half of what we'll call my "us" was already planning to cut ties. Here I am thinking there's just going to be an argument, discussion, disagreement, or something, but no I was met with a chilling end to a road I thought would go on forever.
I had already planned it out, life, our cute little story and what not, all that jazz.. Basically my "forever" and my "us" didn't go together and I was just being alerted for the second time. I hate to say it but i was fooled twice by whom I thought was the love of my life. (That's right we're getting straight personal on this blog, no holding back now) Anyway when I was first let in on the secret that I was no longer an "us" I was a me again I was raging with anger, drowning in the same sadness from a few months ago and cold with shock. So many emotions for one person to handle, I know right. I went back and forth with my former world and towards the end of me trying to save my short adult life's work, my relationship, my us, I was almost begging this person to love me. And begging really is not my style I'm too precious for all that. So without going into too much detail there it is, the current state of my being, heartbroken, upset, quite confused, playing it off with sarcasm because how else would I share it with you all.
As I have stated several times before ( I think) I want my blog to be open to young black girls who are confused, need advice on relationships, life fashion, hair, anything. In order for that to happen over here, I'm going to become an open book because when dealing with matters such as this it is way more helpful if there's a real life occurrence to reference the advice.
1. COMMUNICATE WITH THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR "US" in general
If you don't there will be a strain on the poor relationship from the beginning, because one half is walking around thinking hey got it all together and they're the baddest "us" out here (which is what I thought, don't judge). While the other half of the "us" is out here getting ready to navigate through the world like a "me" instead. It's not fair to either of you if nobody knows what going on.
2. COMMUNICATE WITH THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR "US" BEFORE YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND
This may not be a deal breaker for many of you but for me, you'll get no sympathy if you come at me sideways saying you already talked it over with so and so's brother's, father's, uncle's best bro. Its a major no-no and it could potentially make the person less inclined to comply with your requests, when splitting. Plus it's just a really rude way to back up your argument unless you talked to someone who's way more wise than you and I can believe their wisdom might hold some weight. If you're going to talk it over with your best friend, don't include that in the argument, it will shift the tone as it did in my particular situation and lead me to believe that you've gathered up a team against me and yet again, (my situation here) chosen to erase my en tire existence from your life while others get to stay and bask in the clouds I once thought were sunshine.
3. DON'T PREACH RIDE OR DIE IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT
I am one of those people who love hard, usually harder over time and no one will ever get me to apologize for that. You can throw just about any circumstance my away and if I love you I'm probably not going to be the one to quit on you. So much for being on the receiving end of that love (at least thus far in my short 20 years of life) and it sucks. Fellas don't go posting on Instagram and Twitter about needing a ride or die chick when that's not really what you intend to reciprocate. Ride or die woman= ride or die man, that's how it should be but sadly it isn't for many of us. When life get's tough don't be the person stabbing your "us" in the core because you can't handle it. LIFE IS HARD and more often than not, it's less troubling if you have someone to share the burden especially if they're ready and willing to do so. People that love hard, like myself, mean forever when they say it, and in my case I was really ready to evolve and grow and willing to forgive so forever could reach its full potential. But I was cut short, my "us" was kidnapped by off timing and selfishness, then hit over the head by the very love that started it.
4. DON'T ever ask, or wonder why the other half of your now decapitated "us" has you blocked on all social media..........
When people hurt they hurt and they do so in different ways. When you kill the "us" the hurt half is probably not going to want to see you, hear your voice, or have anything to do with you until they can think of the situation without crying. For me it's the old photos that left smudges that were once bright stars on the map of our journey together, that really hit home in the worst way. The one's I knew used to be on social media,and the ones I had in my phone, the ones I had from proms, and the ones I held in my heart. Those are the ones we see when taking the final look at your profiles, and remembering exactly where they were. So don't go there unless you want to be torn to bits, words can be quite sharp as you should know.
I had a fifth one, I lost it as I was typing four but you get my point. I'm speaking from MY experiences that may be similar to others. These aren't the absolute golden solutions to break-ups or arguments, but had all of these been done differently during the battle for my "us" maybe I'd be just a little less broken down and a lot less worn in like an old boot.
Have a blessed day everyone, I know this wasn't the most joyous blog post but I ad to start somewhere, and I had to be real wit y'all it wouldn't be right if I wasn't.
Love,
Chelsi