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Hello world, I'm back after another drought, hopefully the last one for a long long time. It took me a few days, nine exactly, to decide what I was going to write for you all. I wasn't sure whether to keep it light and happy, or to leave you with something that weighs heavy on your souls. I've decided to just let it all out and hope that I fall somewhere between the two. What can I possibly say about 2017? It was the best worst year of my short 21 years of life. I was happy, sad, excited, depressed, fine, heartbroken and every other emotion you can think of. The lows outweighed the highs but that just means my brightest seasons are yet to come. Here's a list of things I'd like to think I learned through all my 2017 trials and triumphant tribulations. Heartbreak happens... Yes it is sad sad sad sad sad but it happens and when it does you feel like the only one who has ever gone through it. This year I experienced my first true heartbreak and let me tell you all, my body had no idea how to react. I think I cried everyday for the first three months and then off and on for three more months. I didn't eat, or rather I couldn't finish full meals. I'd see food and know I was hungry, but take one bite and be finished. That was the MOST sickening part of it all considering I am a proud proud food lover. Some days I didn't eat at all and other days I'd fill myself with useless things like candy... Since I'm usually a happy person, I don't think my brain could tell my heart or the rest of my body what to do so on days I was crying over him, I'd cry because the unhappiness just would not stop. But Heartbreak happens, so IF you're a believer in real love, the happiness is always with you beneath all of the hurt and love will always find you again if you just keep loving yourself first.
Never put anyone above anything. In 2017 I've given too many people too many chances to makes things right that they don't even see the wrong in. I'm not just talking relationships either I mean friendships too. People seem to think I have a revolving door permanently attached to my forehead.. They talk a good game at first but a few weeks later it's the same behavior from 2016 and I don't have room for it in my new more positive life. It's hard if you're as trusting as I am, especially when you love the person but I guess we were meant to love some people from very far away.
TALK IT OUT! Whatever the situation, please talk it out. I found that when I was upset the only way for me to accept it and moved on, as slowly as I did, was to talk it out with whoever I could get to listen. I think my best friend Nyiah and I talked about it all at least a hundred times and it's the only thing that truly made me feel better. I talked so much at first to try and breath life back into things that have died away, situations that are over. To try and make sure the memories stayed alive because that was easier than letting go...Then I was talking to make sense of it all, how could someone do this to me? How could she turn her back on me? How could he leave when I needed somebody the most? Once that was all over and I realized I wouldn't be getting answers to all of those questions, I talked to kill those thoughts. To unravel every plan I had made without God's consent, to let go, to numb the pain, the wipe away the question marks, to feel again and to think only of myself.
Self love is way harder than people act like it is. To be real with you, it's downright difficult and I wonder why all the time. It's easy to tell someone you love them (for me at least) whether it be a friend or a boyfriend, and it's easy for me to show how much I do so why can't I show myself the same love. My guess is that from the time we're born till forever people want to make the world an amazing place by teaching you how to give and love others. Everyone forgets to mention what happens when you give your all till the very last drop. Well then your glass is empty and everyone else's is full while you're still out there giving out a bunch of nothing... So even though it's hard you should take the smallest steps every single day to love yourself and fill your cup so when the time comes you can pour into someone else who needs it.
HAVE FUN!!!!! Even when you feel out of control, have fun with your friends and family. The ones who are deserving of your time and effort will be there exactly when they're supposed to. The fun doesn't stop when people leave, because that's really God removing them anyway. Whether or not he brings them back in your life is no deciding factor in the amount of fun you get to have without them. They have their life while you have yours and it's up to YOU to make yours more fun each day.
I know that was a lot but I like to share these things as I learn them, especially if theirs anyone out there who had no idea...like me. Stay tuned for my post about the new year, and all the ways to make it a good one. Love, Chelsi